Ponderings

[gwywnnydd]

So, driving in to work today, I found myself listening to the discussion topic (this is out of character for me. I don't want talk radio in the morning. I want them to shut up and play the music). The question of the day was "Is it possible to be friends with your ex?"

Not, "is it possible to be polite when you encounter each other in public", but actually be friends. The three DJs were of the opinion that "No, it's not, and the idea is just weird."

Well, I'm friends with most of my exes. In fact, there's only two I'm really not interested in seeing, ever again (Alpha would be top of that list).

I don't know if it's self-selection on the part of my social circle, but this does not seem to be so radical an idea, when I look around at my friends. I just don't *get* the assumption that one would never want contact with an ex, forever amen. I mean, I was friends with most of my exes before we started dating, and just because he turned out to be bad boyfriend material *for me*, that doesn't change the fact that he's (most likely) still a good guy.

Comments

[dangerous-beans.livejournal.com]

Immediately following a break-up, nope, was not possible. But once the Ex and I got over ourselves (over each other happened a lot faster. It was a big reason why we split. ;) we realized that friends was still good.

It seems kind of odd that we stopped talking at all, but then again it doesn't, because even friends change and not always in the same direction.

That said, I'm not sure I'd be able to be friends with Chris if our marriage didn't work. Maybe, but it would certainly take a lot longer and would certainly be a much less civil break than with Russ. I'm not sure why it would be, other than the the one is more yielding and forgiving than the other.

[gwywnnydd.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't try and claim that friends happens immediately. In fact, I think it's a bad idea. You have to take a break, take time to mourn the relationship. But once you're done with that, well, there were *reasons* you liked this person enough to date them. Unless something really bad happened in the break-up, then you liked them before, why wouldn't you like them now?

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it's possible, but I'm not really good at it. I'm in contact with one only on LJ; on mostly awkward speaking terms with two; there are three more I've cut out of my life entirely; and the only one I was still really fond of is dead now. There may be others I'm forgetting entirely as I write this, which is its own statement. So it goes.

My .02

[levin-marks.livejournal.com]

I'm not "Friends with most of my ex's...
In each I was betrayed at a core level otherwise I'd still be married to them... Freinds with an ex girlfriend? sure no problem to that one... it never was deep enough to be permantly damaged. (A couple were close though)

It's the loss of trust that kills freindships...

[samemaha.livejournal.com]

my three most recent ex's I'm still friends with. then, there's errhead.. who I'm not only VERY good friends with .. I'm dating agian...

[ascaroth.livejournal.com]

It is possible to be friends with ex's no matter if they were ex spouses or companions. Why should you throw away that which brought you together in the first place? When the "honeymoon phase" wears off you have that friendship. If you don't have that then you can part as friends and be civil in public. Better for relationships to end as friends then enemies.

IMHO if you can't be friends then it wasn't really a relationship you put any effort into.

[j5nn5r.livejournal.com]

it really, really depends.

[gwywnnydd.livejournal.com]

Yes, it does. For example, I don't have any really traumatic break-ups in my history*, which I'm sure is coloring my view (a lovely rose...). I also don't have any massive breaches in trust, or any violence. Those would change my position *about that person*.


*post-high school, that is. My Bad Breakup (tm) was before I was 18.

[noiseinmyhead.livejournal.com]

I moved two thousand miles away. Don't talk to any of my exs much but I am still friends with two of em. Two I have no contact with, and one I see comments of occasionally on LJ through other peoples lists.