gwywnnydd | (no subject)

Just in case you haven't seen this yet, and because I want to have a record of it.

[Gwywnnydd's note: This is not my work, I only wish I could write this well. I ganked it from

seanies, who in turn ganked it from someone else.]
A friend of mine was talking the other day about God talking to Moses
on the mountain, and handing down the commandments, and everything.
Which led to the point that my patron deity doesn't really do
commandments.

"Well, why not?" was asked.

"Um. Can you see Coyote giving commandments?" I replied.

...but of course, the damage was done, and I had to think about this
now. Because that would be the way that my brain works, whether I want
it to or not. Stupid brain. And now, after several days of thinking
about it, I give you...

The Commandments of Coyote.

I. Thou Shalt Have As Many Gods and Spirits and Personal Trainers and
Gurus As You Like Before Me, But You Shalt Not Let Them Block the
Exits, and More, You Shall Not Permit Them To Take the Last Beer, For
That Beer Is Mine. Seriously. Don't.

II. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, But Thou Art Totally
Welcome To Admire Her Ass When She Walks By, and If It Happens To Come
Out That They Are In An Open Relationship, Dude, Tap That Ass As Much
As They Are Willing To Allow. Same Goes For the Ladies. Coveting Is
Sort Of Stupid, But Sex Is Just Plain Fun, Unless Thou Art Doing It
Entirely Wrong.

III. If Thy Neighbor Says 'Hands Off My Wife, Dude', Thou Shalt Listen
and Back Off, Because Otherwise, Thy Neighbor Will Be Totally
Justified In Hitting You About the Head and Shoulders With Gardening
Tools, and Don't Think That I'm Going To Step In There and Stop Him.

IV. Adultery Is Actually Pretty Fun. Commit It All You Like. Just Make
Sure Everyone Is Cool With It, Or I Will Not Help You Out Once the
Hitting Gets Started.

V. Thou Shalt Not Eat Poisoned Bait. If You Do, Don't Come Whining To
Me About It, Because I Am Very Unlikely To Care. Once It Is In Your
Mouth, It Is Your Problem, Not Mine.

VI. Of Course Thou Shalt Kill. Carnivores Do That. Also, Swatting
Mosquitoes, Sort Of Instinctive. But All Creatures Are Alive Before
You Kill Them, and So Thou Shalt Respect Them In Their Lives and In
Their Deaths. Thou Shalt Not Kill Without Reason. Thy Neighbor Tapping
Thy Wife's Ass? Is Not A Reason. Don't Make Me Set A Plague Upon Thy
Ass. Thou Wouldst Not Enjoy It, I Promise.

VII. Thou Shalt Not Hoard. Seriously, Here. If You Have Enough, Share.
Only Asshats Bogart Life.

VIII. Thou Shalt Not Be A Martyr. If You Have One Beer, Drink It. Do
Not Give It To Me and Then Expect Adoration. Dude, That Was Your Beer,
I Did Not Break Your Arm To Get It. Give What You Can Give, and Expect
Neither Praise Nor Worship. You Are Not Being Morally Superior, You
Are Being A Decent Human Being. There Is A Difference.

VIV. Assume This Is It. Maybe There Is Reincarnation; Maybe Not. Not
Only Am I Not Saying, Please Consider the Fact That I Probably Get A
Say In Whether You Come Back, and If You Are the Sort Of Person Who
Doesn't Do Anything With One Life, Why Should I Waste My Time Giving
You Another One? Live Like You Get No Second Chances. You Will Have
More Fun.

X. Are You Going To Eat That?