Amusing thoughts for the day

[gwywnnydd]

I'm trying to brace myself for raising a boy.


1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches
deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough
to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is
strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four
walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a
ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a
hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk
on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like
ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. (In Kenmore, WA it's less than 5 minutes)
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without
kids.

Comments

[cheshyrekatt.livejournal.com]

ROFLOL! Perfect!

[crazedcamel.livejournal.com]

Quoth the Karyn: 24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Yes, yes it does.

[gwywnnydd.livejournal.com]

Bah. I already *knew* it's a bad idea to mix Clorox with, well, just about anything that isn't also bleach.

I learned a valuable lesson in self-restraint, the day I managed to *not* laugh in the face of a young woman I knew, who poured bleach in the toilet, left it to soak, forgot about it, and then ran in later to use the toilet.

Can you say "Mustard Gas", boys and girls?

[lawst.livejournal.com]

How do you know the Kenmore fire department has a response time of less than 5 minutes?

[gwywnnydd.livejournal.com]

Because we had a portion of the complex erupt in flames a couple of years ago. Jay and I both called 911 (neither of us realizing hte other was on-site), and had four districts respond within 5 minutes.
Even Shoreline, which was bizarre.

[petit-souris.livejournal.com]

ROTFL!!!!!